Well, I’m not diving into lakes in my undergarments and inviting ladies to dance…
I’m talking about Bridget Jones’s Diary here.
Because everyone’s talking about New Year’s resolutions – and if you’re not reading this at New Year, hey, our drive for self-improvement stays with us throughout the year… and it can cause us to not be peaceful.
Maybe we’d like to eat more veggies, meditate more, or finally put our foot behind our head in our yoga practice (actually I’m just trying that in front of the computer and… no… I am WAY off).
Or perhaps we don’t want to get as triggered by our partner, our parent or our kids.
It’s so easy to try and improve ourselves constantly (my hand goes up to that) and forget about the Darcy factor.
Where he tells Bridget ‘I like you very much – just as you are.’
To which Moaning Myrtle/ her bestie says, “Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose?”
But Darcy likes her just as she is (sigh).
And don’t we love Bridget with all her faults? I’d love to hang out with her watching rom-coms and eating chocolate in our pyjamas.
She’d love us with our imperfections, whether we had stretch marks or spider veins, or an addiction to tortilla chips.
Our whole lives we’ve been taught to strive towards perfection. Top grades. The ideal figure. The perfect home and family. Total self-love and fulfillment.
But maybe we can find more peace by simply sitting amongst all that imperfection with love.
That doesn’t mean we can’t change or grow, but we can also find peace in imperfection.
And maybe not just accept it. But delight in it. Re-frame our thoughts about imperfection.
That bit of mess you left somewhere which gives you exactly what you need at the right time.
That cobbled-together-in-five-minutes dinner that everyone loved.
The parent who snaps from time to time and shows her children how to apologise and repair (and that she’s human too).
Or like a leaf with a hole nibbled out so you can see the sun shine through.
And isn’t nature filled with perfectly imperfect things that are so often far more interesting than ‘perfectly’ formed plastic items?
Update: I took these leaf images a few months ago, remembering about this post… it was a lot of fun looking through the little hole and finding trees, plants, berries and the moon! Like a lens or focus… it was fun grown-up play!
I love this quote from Sue Fitzmaurice:
“You don’t inspire others by being perfect. You inspire them by how you deal with your imperfections.”
But the truth is, I’m still scared to tell you that I don’t live up to ‘perfect’ standards.
I don’t always do the right thing, say the right thing and my house isn’t in perfect order.
And sometimes I find myself deep in the darkness. My belief is that this stuff comes up when it’s ready to process… and sometimes it takes a little time and play, and love.
Sometimes I find myself in tears on the floor, feeling lost and alone.
As a single parent navigating through divorce and still living with my ex husband (yup, hardcore!), with two young boys (one on the spectrum), life is sometimes challenging.
I am so deeply grateful for the techniques that get me back on track, like The Work of Byron Katie, dance and movement meditation, conscious parenting, HeartMath and simply sitting in the darkness with love and compassion for all the parts of me, including the wounded parts.
I have tools and incredible friends who support me in returning to my best self time and again. And overall, I can honestly say that I feel more balanced and resilient than I’ve ever been.
Like everyone else in this world, I am a beautiful work in progress. And each of us are entirely and deeply lovable in this moment, exactly as we are.
My flaws and imperfections mean I can be more compassionate – with my friends, my clients, and that fellow mum whose child is melting down in the supermarket, shooting his water bottle over everyone.
I know how hard it is to find time for you, even though you know you’re supposed to do that to be a a whole person and a self-loving master.
I set up my coaching business because I wanted to support people in their most challenging times, the way I have been supported, to find their way and their inner wisdom (not because I’ve achieved perfection!).
I have tools to share that have totally transformed my life. These tools helped me find my inner wisdom and have taken me to some fun and deeply fulfilling places. And I’m so grateful to the people who shared their knowledge and techniques with me.
Ans a recovering perfectionist, I’m just going to leave this blog post as it is, even if it’s imperfect.
Step away from the keyboard!
My alternative New Year’s resolution?
Lovingly face my perfectionism and celebrate what’s beautiful about right now… and gently venture into personal growth where it brings me joy and peace.
How about you?
What’s imperfectly perfect about you? The less bendy/ possibly plumper/ imperfect version of you?
What can you celebrate right now about yourself?
What are you trying to perfect that you could do with stepping away from?
Wishing you a year filled with love and laughter.